Finding comfort in difficult times

It’s been a difficult week and a lot to process.

All week long, I listened to people express their shock, fear, and utter disbelief as we find ourselves bracing for another autocratic presidency. 

We already know what is coming. I won’t list the litany vengeful acts and awful promises that are well documented by his past actions and current rhetoric. 

If you are like me, looking at the future is not easy. I’m already tired. I’m exhausted by the drama, hate, division, and chaos. It took everything I had to keep going this week. 

So how do we keep going? Where do we find comfort? 

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Dictators and autocratic regimes are not new. There are plenty of examples throughout history and even in the present day. We can learn from these regimes and from the people who not only exist with them but are able to keep their humanity and values. 

Authoritarian leaders have always gained power by spreading misinformation, mistrust, fear, isolating people from each other, and utter exhaustion. Think of the most horrific leaders in history and how they used these weapons to great effect. We already see this on a large scale. Mistrust of police, experts, foreigners, media, and institutions is everywhere. Our trust in medicine, food, vaccines, even the weather, has plummeted.  We have isolated ourselves from family and former friends due to distrust and conflicts. We limit going out due to fears of violence and retaliation. 

Dismantling authoritarian power means that we are aware of these traps and don't fall victim to them. As much as I would like to curl up in a ball for the next 4 years, it only perpetuates those goals.  

Here are my best tips for remaining grounded, maintaining your self, and keeping a kind heart: 

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Grieve and let go of that which you cannot change:

There are about to be so many issues that make you heartbroken or furious and you won't be able to do anything about it. If you spend your time reacting to every bad thing, you may not have time to sleep.  

Accept that this is going to happen. Decide how much energy you are going to spend feeling mad and helpless over the next 4 years. 1 hour, 1 day, 1 month? When does it end? How much energy does this deserve?  

Grieve that much and move on. Allow yourself to feel because that keeps you human, but don't get so stuck that it keeps you from action.

Trust: 

Distrust makes us that much easier to divide. Fighting mistrust starts by learning to trust again. 

Learn how to trust yourself. Listen to your head and your gut instincts. Question statements and sources. Information on the internet can be faked, and false information can be spread to a hundred sites within minutes. Bad information and mistrust is easy to spark and spreads like wildfire. 

We hear constant messages of distrust from the Trump administration- telling us not to trust immigrants, democrats, the press, any of his adversaries, etc...  A message of distrust should make you perk up and immediately become suspicious. Why are they trying to divide and silence this group? Why are they being targeted? You know who to trust, by who they tell you to distrust. 

Reach out: 

If we don’t trust anyone, we live in fear and hide.  Reach out and find your community. Don’t isolate yourself. Spread kindness. Build up those around you. 

In our day to day, it’s our emotional landscape that matters so much more than destructive ideologies. We all have differences. But we have commonalities too. This holiday season, use conversation starters that find common ground with topics such as, worst cooking fail, favorite movies, or most embarrassing moment. Find games that every generation can enjoy and that keeps them focused on similarities, community and caring.

Finally, take care of yourself:

My great grandmother used to say "The trees grow stronger when the wind blows harder." We do not develop strength and resilience when life is easy. After a pandemic, recession, and constant political division, I know we are hoping the tornado will stop, but who knows when it will.

Self care must be a priority all of the time, not when you have time- because you never will. How do you act when you are tired, stressed, or hungry? Because I'm cranky and I have a hard time being kind. To be a safe harbor for those who aren't feeling safe, I have to keep a kind heart. I'm my kindest when I'm well fed, well rested, and doing things I enjoy.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, take a breath, put your phone down, head outside, and focus on feelings like the sun on your face and wind in your hair. These ancient feelings are almost magical because they transcend time, gender, status, religion; make us feel good and tie us all together; just has they have for thousands of years.

Perhaps there is hope for us after all.